CSSCGC 2011 — parody

Posts tagged “parody”.

January 10th 2012

Apenao – Game of (Musical) Thrones

I’m sure that Apenao also got the official license to make the ZX Spectrum videogame based in the popular franchise Game of Thrones. I wonder how does this guy to get all those licenses, he must be backed by one of those big companies which emply lots of slaves and sell human flesh in the black market. The fact is that here it is, the official (I guess) Game of Thrones ZX Spectrum videogame! This one comes with a twist. I don’t know if this game is popular elsewere, but here in Spain we got a big deal of it when we were kids. Now kids have Nintendo DSs to play with, so, for the sake of preservation, a computer rendition of the good ol’ Game of Chairs just had to be created. To play the game, you set up some chairs in circle, one less that the total amount of player. Then the music plays, and players have to run around the chairs. Then suddenly the music stops, and the players must try and sit down in one chair. Of course, (you may have guessed if you are good at maths) one of them remains up with no chair to sit down. Well, that guy is, obviously, killed in a rather gory manner. Game of (Musical) Thrones replaces the plain chairs with actual thrones, and lets you pick all the players. Then the music will play… and play… and trust me, it will eventually stop. Some day. And then…

Summary

Choose the contestants, sit back, and enjoy your simulation.

Click here to download.

November 10th 2011

Salvacam – First (and last) First-Person Hamster Wheel Simulator

Fellers, this has to be the most original simulator we have received this year! Salvacam announces this is the last game in his own one-key-only trilogy, and announces that, next year, he’ll try and make two-key games. Good for him, and good for us. And now, on to the game! This game simulates a big part of every hamster’s everyday routine: running the wheel. The game goes straight to the point, and starts with the above mentioned hamster already positioned in the running wheel, ready to get into action! No useless waits (and I’m looking at you, Mr. Apenao!), no neverending intros (like in nowadays games – when you finally get into action you have already spent the only two hours you had to play beforing getting back to house chores). Just sheer enjoyment. And from the very point of view of the hamster himself. Now you will know how it really feels. Have or ever had a hamster? This game will help you sympathise with every hamster in the world! This will make you a better person! Hopefully, with more games like this, wars and hunger will end for good. Unbelievable. This ain’t just a videogame… This is a complete digital, interactive experience. I’m quite sure that, in the future, this will be considered like a true masterpiece of our times! Ico and Shadow of the Colossus my ass.

Summary

One just can’t summarize the experience you get from this game, so go and try it NOW.

Click here to download.

November 10th 2011

He had such a big head that, if he were a *cat* he would have to toss the mice from under the bed with a brow, Part II

Apenao enters this awesome sequel (with a mistake in the title) to last year’s Mojon Twins’ entry, the infamous He had such a big head that, if he were a cat he would have to toss the mice from under the bed with a brow, which made us almost lose the compo. Apenao’s own He had such a big head that, if he were a cat he would have to toss the mice from under the bed with a brow, part II, which title is incorrectly written in the intro screen as He had such a big head that, if he were a mouse he would have to toss the mice from under the bed with a brow, part II uses a revolutionary concept of fast loading: in fact, after the loading screen, the load is 100% immediate! I really don’t know how Apenao achieved this, I hope he will tell us. The game comes complete with a great backstory, very reminiscent of the Mojon Twins style: After saving his girlfriend, our hero, Manolito Cabeza, goes to El Corte Inglés to buy her a present. The problem is, the square is full of people demanding a  more just distribution of prawns (digital or not) and, more important: the mall is closed for hollidays. Once there, Manolito discovers that a bunch of hippies are unknowingly being controlled by a group of ultra-center-wing fanatics and are being used to spread a plague of lice which will end up bringing the end of the world. Luckily, Manolito has three full packs of anti-lice liniment and is ready to save the world!.  After waiting for the title screen to get drawn (this has to be a feature in most Apenao‘s productions), you realize that the game has nothing to do with this. Great job, Apenao!

Summary

Just try not to lose your patience in the title screen.

Click here to download.

November 10th 2011

Chris Young – Say the Colour and not the Word (Adult version)

I have to cheat and post Chris’ own words (so I have to write less of a review): “Jamie Percival’s seminal 2007 hit “Say The Colour And Not The Word” has been *ahem* acquired legitimately *ahem* by Unsatisfactory Software, aka myself. The game was not disassembled, decompiled nor stolen (yes we’ve heard the rumours), we paid good money and we now own Jamie Percival, as soon as we find him. Erm, anyway, the surprise hit of 2007 (described by myself and partner-in-crime – NOT THAT THERE HAS BEEN ANY CRIMINAL ACTIVITY YOU UNDERSTAND – Mr Lake as “not as bad as Quest for The Golden Egg”) has been purchased legitimately and upgraded to an all new adults-only post-watershed Stephen Fry and Brian Blessed endorsed (probably) version“. So here you go. We are always eager to get new, refurbished, adult versions of hit games. I’m quite good at this, my top score was 843. Can you beat that?

Summary

Just say colour, and not the word! Remember to press A if you get it wrong. And don’t cheat to beat my score!

Click here to download.

October 3rd 2011

JBGV – Uchi Danza

And once again we get a submission which, while being funny, mocking, tongue-in-check, and parodic, is all but a crap game. Playability, good presentation, good graphics and nice sound make for an actual, playable game. Trim a bit the intro and you get a game which could have had a proper release and have people talking about it and stuff. But JBGV has chosen to give it to us as a present, and we feel really honored that such a game is featured in our humble compo. It may not be eligible for the Crappiest Game category (do we have categories?), but it should be for some other category we have yet to figure out. What do we have here? Well, Uchi Danza brings you back your beloved (?) judo fighters from Uchi-Mata and makes them dance to a tune. Using O, P, Q and A for directions, just press the correct one when the arrow shows, and your nice dummy will move to the music. Fail to do so, and you lose “groove“. The catch is that this game is actually fun.

Summary

Use O, P, Q and A to make the nice guy dance. SPACE is used for selections. And don’t forget to GO NORTH.

Clicke here to download.

September 12th 2011

Peter Cockburn – Poddy Hawkins’ Big Adventure

And now, after the hollyday season (in fact, it arrived during the hollyday season), we have a new game for you. This time, a blast of the past and, if I’m understanding well the several title screens (’cause they are many!) this is a game written in 1990 for the NES. How the programmer managed to pack a NES game in a .sna file and how a ZX Spectrum emulator can run it remains a mystery. But who am I to break the magic? Something it’s true: the game really does look like a console game, with a lengthy animated introduction (which can’t be skipped, maybe you have to plug in a NES controller and press START, but I couldn’ t make the sucker fit in the computer port no matter how hard I pushed) and colourful menus. The fact that you have your options displayed on a tiny scroller and that you actually have to wait to know which key you need to press to actually start the game, adds nice crap factor to the title. Or, at least, it adds suspense. The game revolves around the revolutionary concept of wandering around finding pink squares. If you step on a square which isn’t pink or black, the quite unforgiving game throws you back to the title screen. It also has a timer which you can only refill if you get 20 pinkies. Nasty, innit?

Summary

You can redefine keys and do some menu stuff in the menu, and I could save some time telling you which keys to press, but I’m not.

Click here to download.

April 1st 2011

AYChip – The Official Play Numberwang At Home Numberwang Spectrum Game From Numberwang Industries

Enter the awesomeness, ladies and gentlemen! Packed up with great three-channel AY music, this game will induce you to the greatest TV contest ever: Numberwang!. There are numbers involved, but fear not, it has nothing to do with maths.  I’m pretty sure that we all have felt terribly envious of  Simon and Julie. Well, thanks to this awesome game, you will be able to enjoy the awesome Numberwang yourself! Complete with the Wangernumb and the rotating of the board, and incredibly adorned, as mentioned, with awesome renditions of the show theme songs, this game provides the TRUE experience. And to add up even more, the game boosts awesome digitized graphics (with a groundbreaking tetris-3D-effect on top), a great colour scheme, and… have I mentioned the music? Be sure to run this game in a 128K model, for obvious reasons.

Paradogically, being a game based in numbers, you won’t be able to read any of them in the BASIC listing. Boo, we’ll never be able to understand the game logics by studying the sources. What makes a Numberwang will remain a mystery. By the way, as a punishment for hackers, if you break into the program and then want to play again, you will have to load the title screen from tape again. So think about it before you do.

Summary

Numbers: Numberwang!
BREAK: Hack. But you won’t see the numbers.

Click here to download.

February 16th 2011

Apenao – God of Pong

Heavily advertised and hyped in the WOS forums, this entry by the infamous (crap) game designer Apenao really lives up to the expectations. Penned as a grounbreaking game, it uses revolutionary techniques, which achieve TRUE hardware sprites on any ZX Spectrum by writing to the port EWFG to rewrite the ULA BIOS making the computer dizzy in the process or something like that. Sadly, these techniques don’t work properly on any of the emulators I’ve tried (this is, Spectaculator, as I’m too lazy to install (yet) another one), as they rely on frying actual Speccy circuits, and make use of the cathodic ray tube of your telly to actually fry your retinas – that’s the only way you can really enjoy the effect, but we have been reported that you can also simmulate it using a cheese grater in front of your eyes and moving it very fast, the same way we all watched encoded porn films late at night. This is a top-notch effect which may not be understood by plain simple speccy users, specially those who are heretic enough to play speccy games on dirty emulators.

Complete with a totally unnecessary title screen which literally takes ages to get drawn and dodgy collision system which actually makes the game more enjoyable, this game is so well designed that it requires a second player – This is a computer game which, besides entertaining you, will help you making friends and not becoming a secluded weirdo. All thanks to Apenao.

Who wants to be king, when you can be a God?

Summary

Q, A – left player movement.
P, L – right player movement.
Reset button (if available) – get rid of the annoying wait in the title screen

click here to download.