CSSCGC 2011 — 2011 — November

Posts from November 2011.

November 10th 2011

Salvacam – First (and last) First-Person Hamster Wheel Simulator

Fellers, this has to be the most original simulator we have received this year! Salvacam announces this is the last game in his own one-key-only trilogy, and announces that, next year, he’ll try and make two-key games. Good for him, and good for us. And now, on to the game! This game simulates a big part of every hamster’s everyday routine: running the wheel. The game goes straight to the point, and starts with the above mentioned hamster already positioned in the running wheel, ready to get into action! No useless waits (and I’m looking at you, Mr. Apenao!), no neverending intros (like in nowadays games – when you finally get into action you have already spent the only two hours you had to play beforing getting back to house chores). Just sheer enjoyment. And from the very point of view of the hamster himself. Now you will know how it really feels. Have or ever had a hamster? This game will help you sympathise with every hamster in the world! This will make you a better person! Hopefully, with more games like this, wars and hunger will end for good. Unbelievable. This ain’t just a videogame… This is a complete digital, interactive experience. I’m quite sure that, in the future, this will be considered like a true masterpiece of our times! Ico and Shadow of the Colossus my ass.

Summary

One just can’t summarize the experience you get from this game, so go and try it NOW.

Click here to download.

November 10th 2011

He had such a big head that, if he were a *cat* he would have to toss the mice from under the bed with a brow, Part II

Apenao enters this awesome sequel (with a mistake in the title) to last year’s Mojon Twins’ entry, the infamous He had such a big head that, if he were a cat he would have to toss the mice from under the bed with a brow, which made us almost lose the compo. Apenao’s own He had such a big head that, if he were a cat he would have to toss the mice from under the bed with a brow, part II, which title is incorrectly written in the intro screen as He had such a big head that, if he were a mouse he would have to toss the mice from under the bed with a brow, part II uses a revolutionary concept of fast loading: in fact, after the loading screen, the load is 100% immediate! I really don’t know how Apenao achieved this, I hope he will tell us. The game comes complete with a great backstory, very reminiscent of the Mojon Twins style: After saving his girlfriend, our hero, Manolito Cabeza, goes to El Corte Inglés to buy her a present. The problem is, the square is full of people demanding a  more just distribution of prawns (digital or not) and, more important: the mall is closed for hollidays. Once there, Manolito discovers that a bunch of hippies are unknowingly being controlled by a group of ultra-center-wing fanatics and are being used to spread a plague of lice which will end up bringing the end of the world. Luckily, Manolito has three full packs of anti-lice liniment and is ready to save the world!.  After waiting for the title screen to get drawn (this has to be a feature in most Apenao‘s productions), you realize that the game has nothing to do with this. Great job, Apenao!

Summary

Just try not to lose your patience in the title screen.

Click here to download.

November 10th 2011

Chris Thomson – Robot Defence Corps

Yay – this is what I call a really good contender! It has everything: The visuals are crap, the controls are not responding, everything flashes and flickers and moves slowly, it’s unfairly überhard, is buggy and plays worse. And, to add even more points to the score, it comes with a complete, deep backstory which has actually little to do with how the game plays, just like the in good ol’ days of commercial crappery!  “Robots are invading your boss’s secret moon base. The robots are evil and will kill even the women and children. You must ensure that they don’t make it in to your boss’s base, even though your boss is slightly evil. Fortunately you can order some evil robot eradication turrets from your bosses company, unfortunately they use internal cost centres, you have been provided with $200 credit to get you started, but you must earn more money by selling any evil robots that you kill. The use of Sinclair basic ensures that this game is compatible with all spectrums and the amstrad phone thing.” So engage your controls and try to save the boss! If you can. I’m sure there’s some kind of strategy to follow, I just can’t fathom it. Will you? Can you help? Also: Pavero, we need you to map this ASAP.

Summary

OPQA to move your pointer. M to place a defence. Be wise!

Click here to download.

November 10th 2011

Paul E. Collins – Lights Out!

Disclaimer: I don’t know if the exclamation mark was part of the title or Mr. Collins was shouting in his email. Don’t check, Paul, I’m making this up. Well – now we have yet another Speccy version of a Crap concept.  Not so crap by itself (well, it surely does look like crap, but works as intended, the controls are somewhat responsive, and comes even with different skill levels!), but crap for what it represents. C’mon, man, gimme a break! Looking at the screenshot you should understand that I’m utter crap at this, so, buggers, this is crap! I tend to blame the game for my own incompetence, of course, but this is over the top. Besides, if someone can explain to me why the game is full of mathematical symbols, or whatever, I’d be glad. It just makes things worse. I can’t see shit and you try to puzzle me even more?!  Are the boards, actually, Brainfuck programs? Good contender! By the way, the game comes with full sources, so you can learn to make you rown Lights Out game. No need to pay royalties nor copyrights, of course.

Summary

Read the in-game instructions, for god’s sake, and leave me alone!

Click here to download.

 

November 10th 2011

Chris Young – Say the Colour and not the Word (Adult version)

I have to cheat and post Chris’ own words (so I have to write less of a review): “Jamie Percival’s seminal 2007 hit “Say The Colour And Not The Word” has been *ahem* acquired legitimately *ahem* by Unsatisfactory Software, aka myself. The game was not disassembled, decompiled nor stolen (yes we’ve heard the rumours), we paid good money and we now own Jamie Percival, as soon as we find him. Erm, anyway, the surprise hit of 2007 (described by myself and partner-in-crime – NOT THAT THERE HAS BEEN ANY CRIMINAL ACTIVITY YOU UNDERSTAND – Mr Lake as “not as bad as Quest for The Golden Egg”) has been purchased legitimately and upgraded to an all new adults-only post-watershed Stephen Fry and Brian Blessed endorsed (probably) version“. So here you go. We are always eager to get new, refurbished, adult versions of hit games. I’m quite good at this, my top score was 843. Can you beat that?

Summary

Just say colour, and not the word! Remember to press A if you get it wrong. And don’t cheat to beat my score!

Click here to download.

November 10th 2011

Antonio Villena – Salen tan ricos

Sometimes one has to struggle with finding something crap-worthy, specially when somebody sends you an almost complete Tetris clone which takes just a quarter of a Kb. Yeah, it doesn’t have scoring, nor ending, nor “next piece“, but, heck, it’s written in a quarter of Kb! I bet my signature in the WOS forums takes more than that! But let’s try. ‘Cause I’ve found something really funny: if you load it in 128 mode using “Loader” in the menu, the black line over “Insert tape and press PLAY” counts as a line in the game. Not that it matters much, but I’ve found it quite amusing. Besides, the pieces rotate funny and… Heck, I just can’t find anything to complain of. This should be considered a full achievement, not a crap game! And I know that Antonio has cut the byte count even more in newer iterations, so… What are you doing here?!

Summary

Use OPQA if you fancy playing Tetris just for the heck of it. And without aids. For real hardcore tetrisers.

Click here to download.

November 10th 2011

Paulo Silva – Memorama

Paulo Silva sends us a really nifty entry which should be considered Crap solely ’cause the game it implements is utter crap. I’ve never understood the appeal of those games where you have to find couples in a set of cards. No matter if they are the jewel of game coding in terms of technical complexity, they are always Crap. So good choice of game for a CSSCGC entry, Paulo! Graphics are colourful but they suffer quite a lot of the automatic conversion used. ‘Cause if you are suggesting that those are hand drawn I’d tell you that you need to seriously improve your skills as a graphics designer. Once you get past the opening screen, the game plays well. One may say “hey, this works flawlessly, where’s the crap in this game?” I already told you: in the game concept. Memory games = instant crap. So good one!

Summary

Use WASD (not WASP) or the cursor keys to control this.

Click here to download.